The Case Against
(not my review, but fun)
by Yang
Tori Amos. Tori Aimless is more like it. As far as I'm concerned this artist totally misses the bulls eye. Something about her makes my head want to spin. The strange thing is that I can't put my finger on what exactly it is about her that grates on my last nerve. I think it must be a combination of things. I mean, at first glance, I should really dig this person. She's a singer/songwriter. She plays the piano, an instrument that just doesn't get enough respect in today's music. And, she's a woman. All these things are cool in and of themselves but you roll them into Tori Amos and it's more than I can take!
Maybe it has something to do with the way she writhes around on that piano bench like she's got ants in her pants. Or those videos with her dancing around with snakes or rocking back and forth in the driver's seat of a stationary pick-up truck. What about those live television performances? She knows where the camera is every minute and she plays it for all it is worth.
Perhaps it's simply her voice. Vocals reminiscent of fingernails down a chalkboard that fill me with a desire to jettison her to the sun. And since I'm being petty...who dresses this woman? Did you see those pictures in Spin? I tell you what, if she has any hand in bringing back the tube top I may be forced to hunt her down!
I think the thing about Tori Amos that pushes me over the edge is that I just don't buy it. What is "it" exactly? You know, IT. The whole New Agey, woman finding her voice, in touch with myself thing. Maybe she really is genuine but I just don't get it. When I've seen her on television or in interviews she just seems so rehearsed and practiced. Almost like she's tried pushing every button until she's found exactly the right ones. Obviously she pushes my buttons and I don't even like the woman!
Oh, well. She's not for everyone. But, obvously, she serves some purpose. She's selling tons of records at breakneck speed. I think it's safe to say that the world will continue to spin on its axis whether I like Tori Amos or not and it's a lot less likely to tilt if Tori and I continue to exist in separate worlds.
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